Last night I was thinking about all the things I've neglected while Ironman training. I've put my 14 yr-old daughter in charge of my two young sons. My husband works 6 days a week from 7 am to 9 pm every other week so go ahead and imagine what a home, left to two young bear cubs looks like after I take my evening bike ride. Cereal bowls and wrappers EVERYWHERE. Goldfish crackers, strewn all over the floors as if they've been shot out of a confetti cannon. My middle son loves to make smoothies in the blender so there's normally frozen fruit that's thawing all over my counter tops. But, through it all, I've tried to fight the good fights, which are..
1. Keeping counter tops clean
2. Keeping the carpet vacuumed
3. Sheets washed
4. Bathroom clean
1. They're alive
2. They're bathed every day
3. They brush their teeth everyday
4. They've learned that sometimes they might have to do their own laundry
I have to prioritize and this is how I've been able to get this far in the process.
After my weekend meltdown, day by day I started to slowly reemerge from the pity cocoon that I had formed for myself. Finally my friend Michael and I decided that Ironman, is for me, like a rotten high school boyfriend. It makes me obsess and feel chemically unbalanced. Now, I'm going to show that boyfriend a lesson. I'm so thankful for all your advice and comments, and for especially just letting me be honest. I want to be an Ironman and just as badly want my old life back. I had just reached my tipping point where I thought if I had another 3 hour mid week day of training or another 100 mile mandatory bike ride that I was gonna lose all sanity I had left...which wasn't much.
Each day this week I've kinda just trained as I wanted. Monday I was at the lake, swimming with the sharks that I knew weren't there. Thanks Shark Week.
Tuesday I ran 6 miles.
Wednesday I took my bike out for a 30 mile ride. Just made it home before dark and a nasty thunderstorm. It was so humid that I was dripping sweat down the front of my knees and my socks were soaked.
I signed up.
Last night I went back into my training cave at 8 pm and ran 7 miles, oddly enough, I wanted to.
Today, I'm not sure, we'll see later.
Now, if you know me you would get this about me but I am totally anti motivational material. I have no idea why but whenever I see slogans or words (especially on posters) that are meant to make me feel like I need to feel or think about things in a certain way, I get all sideways. Just seems like nonsense. I'm difficult, I know. On the flip side, I also believe in signs.
And last night before bed, I saw this...
It's my wall. The wall I hit.
But the writing on the wall reminded me that at one time, like a blubbering fool, I sat and cried while watching one of those Ironman Full Circle videos. Ironman is what I want. As painful, horrible and wonderful as it makes me feel (all at the same time)....it's there, waiting. So, no regrets.